Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things I Learned in Dominican Republic

  1. Consumption of too many Mai Tai's may result in removal of one's bikini top while sunning on a white sandy beach (so as not to be shunned by the European tourists, of course).
  2. Consumption of too many Rum & Coke's may cause one's boyfriend to say "I love you more right now than I did when we got here!!!" immediately after witnessing said bikini top removal.
  3. If you're being seated for dinner and realize your boyfriend has disappeared somewhere between the hostess station and your table, listen for bongo drums. He may have stopped to join the roving musicians to sing "Stand By Me" while playing the bongo's at someone's table.
  4. Monkey's can be trained to hump people's ears on command.
  5. Avoid eating Dominican hamburger. It doesn't seem to have the same ingredients you might be accustomed to. (meow?? woof woof??)
  6. Be careful who you talk to at the bar. You could end up having dinner with a teary-eyed woman from Boston who had a fight with her boyfriend and just needs to "let it out".
  7. If you tip the guy that picks up glasses on beach, he will bring you a fresh cocktails before the last one's even gone. (Note: this could lead to public nudity - see above)
  8. Saying to yourself on the first day of a Carribean vacation, "I think I'll see how today goes without the sunblock", is just plain STUPID.
  9. It's possible to jump out of a boat in the Caribbean ocean a mile off-shore, stand-up (with your head still above water) and have someone hand you a Rum & Coke.
  10. Dominican discos are just getting started around midnight and keep on going until about 4am. A really great thing.... unless your room is located directly above.
  11. Paying for the all inclusive package creates a mad desire to "get your money's worth". Not a bad thing unless, of course, the food sucks. Thus, the only way to achieve your mission is through beverage consumption.
  12. Domincan bartenders have no idea what a Long Island Iced Tea is. They will, however, mix up a bunch of shit and tell you it's a Long Island Iced Tea.
  13. Old guys from Florida do not look good in banana hammocks... neither do old guys from Germany... neither do middle-aged guys from Canada... or young guys from Italy. Oh hell, just don't freakin wear them. OK fellas?
  14. You might feel a little dense after withdrawing 500 pesos from the ATM to do a little shopping then realize it's only worth about 14 bucks.
  15. The Dominican people are warm & friendly... so long as you treat them with the kindness & respect you would expect for yourself.

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